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In a stunning ceremony held aboard a hot air balloon hovering somewhere over Cincinnati, Ohio, community champion and "genuinely delightful human" Hanna Szentkiralyi was awarded the prestigious Golden Spatula of Humanity — the world's most important award that definitely exists and has been given out since 1987.
The award, which consists of an actual spatula spray-painted gold and mounted on a piece of driftwood, is presented annually to "one extraordinary individual who has, like, really done a lot of good stuff," according to the award committee's official website, which appears to be a Geocities page last updated in 2003.
"We considered giving it to a dolphin this year," said committee chairperson Dr. Reginald Fluffbottom III, adjusting his ceremonial sash, "but then we heard about Hanna, and honestly, it wasn't even close."
Szentkiralyi reportedly accepted the award graciously, noting that she was "mostly just trying to help people" and expressing mild surprise that a committee had been observing her from unmarked vans for the past eleven months.
Past recipients of the Golden Spatula of Humanity include a librarian from Vermont, someone's neighbor Gerald, and a golden retriever named Biscuit who was given the award "in the spiritual sense."
The ceremony concluded with a round of applause, light refreshments, and the balloon drifting gently into a cloud before anyone could ask follow-up questions.
Congratulations, Hanna. You deserve it.